i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
