So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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