she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
