The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
