We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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