The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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