just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
