what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
