Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
