Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
