too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
