I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
