I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
