So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
