You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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