you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i think i just lost a toe
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
