I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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