did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
