So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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