you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize