Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
