i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
