well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
