Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
