its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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