thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
