it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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