I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize