consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
