Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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