in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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