Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
