Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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