should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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