who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Are we still banned from the library?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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