Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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