i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
