doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you win again, gameday.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
