I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
