my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
