I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
