Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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