I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
