Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
