I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
