Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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