u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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