Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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