So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The air taste purple.
Randomize
