dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
