successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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