I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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