Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
