dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
