What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
