Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
