YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
