the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
