we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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