I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
