I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
