Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
