Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
