I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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