he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
