who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
