he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
