I wish my penis had an off switch
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
