we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
