I like to think it a success when the cops are called
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
