He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize