well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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