That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
