It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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