It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
