WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
